“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.”Gilda Radner

Monday, January 30, 2012

Babysitting Nightmares

I place the welfare of my children above all else (and I have pretty high standards for most everything, soooooo), which means choosing babysitters outside of family is a HUGE deal.  Especially in the days when I was working full-time.

I'm not sure how it happened, then, that I've had some real doozies as far as babysitters go. I will say I've been lucky that my kids have pretty much always been SAFE, but there are still plenty of experiences you'd rather just not have with your kid's babysitter.  Here are just a few. Some are the same person. None have been invited back.

1. The one who didn't flush her poop. Ever.

2.  The one who said, "Ohmigosh, you use, like, SUCH. Big. Words."

3. The one who defrosted the salmon in our freezer and cooked it with her special homemade pesto.

4.  The one who got caught having her boyfriend over and said, "Oh, I didn't think you'd be home so soon."

5.  The one who said, "My boyfriend's mom booked our vacation the week BEFORE your vacation. Will that be a problem?"

6.  The one who said, "He doesn't like when I clean his face, so I just leave it dirty."

7.  The one who kept inviting her grandmother over for lunch, during which they drank wine.

8.  The one whose boobs and buttcrack were always showing. Like a LOT.

9.  The one who put Joey in his Easter outfit two weeks BEFORE Easter. "It was just so cute," she said. "So I ripped off the tags and threw it on him."

10.  The one who said, "My friends decided today that they're getting married TOMORROW! So, I won't be able to babysit."

11.  One, who didn't get past the "interview," responded to the prompt, "Tell us about yourself," with, "I really, REALLY love my boyfriend."

12. Another one who didn't get past the interview finished filling out background info forms and said, "These forms are really stupid. You need to just go with your gut." She also used the phrase in an unrelated context, "Johnny Cochran, God rest his soul."

13. The one who said, "I don't like your rules."

14.  The one who wiped Joey's face with a Clorox wipe.

15. The one who picked dropped blueberries out of the drain to feed to Joey.

16.  The one who was "letting Joey pick his own lunch" and somehow managed to dump forty eggs on the floor.

17. Any of the ones who started a sentence with, "I broke your..."

Maybe some of these make me seem nutty, but seriously. Now that I have babysitters that I like, trust, and who make my kids happy, I am incredibly grateful to not have to deal with any of the above nonsense anymore!

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