“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.”Gilda Radner

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Happy Crazy

I don't know if everyone does this, but I am trapped within the mental confines of school-reality, versus real reality, if that makes any sense. It means things on many levels, but here and now, it means that September is my time for New Year's celebrations. It's the end of summer, the beginning of layers and coats and fur-lined boots. It's when everyone, I don't care who you are, buys new pens and, perhaps, a clipboard.  (If you don't own a clipboard, get one. It's life changing.)

So this "year" has brought me a lot of surprises. I can't seem to get over the fact that every year brings surprises. September rolls around and I think, "This will be the year with no surprises. The STABLE year." There was a time when things were like that. I think I was, like, eight. But things were stable and predictable and PDG. Pretty Darn Great.

This year was totally supposed to be my stable year. I'm on leave from work. As in, no job stress. How could it be anything but stable? I imagined myself cuddling and educating my sons all day long and taking meaningful field trips every week and becoming...crafty. Not like, psychopathic killer crafty, but as in, "makes crafts."  When I was eight, I made awesome dolls out of tissues and Scotch tape. Where did that go?

But this year has been anything but stable! Oddly, I find that I'm happier than I have ever been, possibly more than when I was eight even though that was when rolling your jeans was really in and I'm patiently awaiting its return to the fashion arena. All the same, here are some loops that have been thrown my way:

1. Kidney Stones. Who wants to walk around with an 18-inch non-pliable tube running through their midsection for thirty-two days? I didn't, but no one really asked me. At least, not while I wasn't under the influence of some serious pain meds.

2. My husband works Monday through Friday in a city four hours away (it's actually only 3/3.5, but he drives reeeeeeeally slow). That pretty much sucks.

3. My younger son, the one I spend the majority of my days with, doesn't like me very much. You might think I just have a complex, but really. He tells me this all the time, and is certain all his babysitters are in cahoots with a mean plan to rescue him from my evil clutches.

4. My grandmother is sick. I never saw that coming. Stupid, I know, but I've been pretty sure all along she has possession of the Sorcerer's Stone or some powerful elixir. But it turns out, no, she's just as human as the rest of us. 

5. My mother does NOT want to be besties. Seriously. What's her problem?

6. I am not one of those people who can eat whatever she wants and gain nothing. Lots of people warned me this was the case, but, alas. I'm surprised. And...inconvenienced, to say the least.

7. I don't like volunteering at my son's school. I'm a teacher, so I definitely didn't see that coming. But, um, yeah, it makes me uncomfortable to be NOT the teacher, so.

8. It doesn't matter how many fresh groceries I buy. I'm not a very good cook.

9. My older son is what they call "the whole package." Extremely intelligent, artistic, creative, good at math, exceptional at reading and writing, a terrific dancer, kind-hearted and gentle, and so, so, SOOOO handsome.

10. My younger son is what they call "the one to watch out for." He's so, so, SOOOO handsome and incredibly charming, but he's got the devil in him--and he's okay with it.

11. I can make my own Roman blinds. That part's cool.

12. My kids are weird. Joey played all day with those little rubber bouncy balls the other day and announced, "Mom, if I'm ever in a talent show, I'm gonna get up on stage and just play with my balls." You go get 'em, Tiger.  And Noah doesn't like to wear underpants. He also invents people to talk to so he can avoid me. "Mom, I'm not talking to you. Stella is here right now, okay?"

And oddly, it doesn't matter. I still think my life is great. My last line will be meant to tick off my mom, since she won't be my BFF (at least not 24/7).

Go figure.

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