“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.”Gilda Radner

Saturday, February 4, 2012

25 Epiphanies

These are 25 Things I've only just realized about myself. These things may have been obvious to you the moment you met me (if you've met me), but they are completely new to me.

1) I really, really want a dog.

2) I am not the type of person who should own a dog.

3) I am a serious control freak.

4) My mother, a fellow control freak, never made me clean because she wanted to make sure it was done "right." Therefore, I never really learned how to clean and have been too embarrassed to ask for help.

5) I do NOT like asking for help.

6) I LOVE being offered things, like help. And invitations.

7) More than being offered invitations, I LOVE when people insist or figuratively twist my arm to include me.

8) Because someone a long time ago took really terrible advantage of me, my involuntary first response to all requests is NO. Very often I don't even mean it, but I just can't seem to help it flying out of my mouth.

9) I used to be really open and romantic. Now I'm really cynical and generally dubious.

10) I am also untrusting.

11) I think people who candidly display that they are less than intelligent are intolerable. Particularly people who swear in non-angry social conversations.

12) I need more sleep than most people. I thought I needed normal sleep, but I need mononucleosis amounts of sleep to function. I don't often get this kind of rest, so I compensate with lots of coffee which makes me talk too fast and too loudly.

13) I love all the music of the world except rap and "scream-o."

14) I am outraged by unhappy endings in movies and books. I find them a complete waste of time.

15) I am generally suspicious.

16) I am unfairly clumsy. I think I always have been. It has taken me thirty-two years to no longer be surprised by the fact that I have fallen/bumped into something/hurt myself on a normal household item, like the faucet.

17) I am incapable of projecting past the NOW. I am like the ant in A Bug's Life who loses his way when a leaf falls in his path. "I'M LOST!" he yells. That's a great metaphor for my whole life.

18) I have a really, really hard time paying attention, even to things that interest me.

19) I actually do need to exercise and eat healthy.

20) I think I use commas more often than I need to, but it's because I take frequent mental pauses to organize my thoughts.

21) I see all thoughts in punctuated sentence form, like in a book. I also hear things this way, which makes me particularly keen to judge a person's tone and what it means.

22) Whenever I think I detect the sound of sickness in a person's voice, I am almost always correct--sometimes even BEFORE they know they are sick.

23) I can't stand being lied to.

24) I'm okay with change, but not okay with uncertainty.

25) I have a lot of blessings, but I'm afraid if I start counting them, God will notice and decide I need some bad things thrown my way. Because it's probably not fair that I have so much good in my life. Therefore, I often end up making a big deal out of small problems to throw God off my scent.

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