Joey is probably the greatest six-year-old kid I've ever met. He reminds me a lot of one of my favorite people ever, my "baby" cousin John Conor (who is now 22 and lives on his own in Washington DC) because he is sensitive, good-hearted, and loves rules. He reminds my sister of Hermy the Elf from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, who said, "But I don't want to make toys. I want to be a dentist." Joey doesn't want to be a dentist, but he's not too concerned about what other people think he SHOULD BE doing. He wants to be, and I quote, "A scientist with NO GIRLFRIEND." My dad said that shouldn't be too hard to accomplish.
Joey is also a clone of my some of my more idiosyncratic traits. Namely: Hypochondria. Here are just a few the more hilarious examples.
This morning, brushing his teeth: "Mom, every time I hiccup my butt squeezes and it hurts!"
Yesterday at my mom's...
Joey: "Oh my God!! I just sat on poisonous berries! Now there's poison on my pants!"
Judy: "Joey, those berries are plastic. They're fake. They fell off of something."
Joey (pressing his hands to his eyes): "Oh, THANK GOD. WHEW."
As I wipe his mouth when he's a mess...
Joey: "Is there poison on your hands???"
I know he's asking if I just used Clorox, and I would never put Clorox on my child, but I can't help but say, "Yes. I'm covered in poison and now you are, too."
Driving home from school: "Mom, I was reading my DEAR book, and there was this picture of a man with a rash, and can I GET the rash from touching the book????"
Out in the yard, there was a question of whether my husband touched poison ivy (he didn't). This one was a little my fault, since I kind of freaked out, too. But for days, Joey ran away from his dad, crying, "Don't touch me with your poison hand!!!"
Aside from becoming a scientist, specifically, a "potion maker," Joey has other great aspirations. In no particular order, they include:
1) learning to do "the worm"
2) being on a the Disney Channel show
3) getting his haircut like Wolverine
4) becoming a spy
5) becoming a wizard
6) inventing useful household "contraptions"
7) inventing NOT useful household "contraptions"
8) telling a funny joke
9) learning karate
10) learning to play the guitar
11) saving the world from certain doom
12) owning a robot
Probably Joey's best quality is that he loves me more than anyone. He thinks I'm beautiful and smart and really funny. I know he lives in fear of ever letting me down, but he's so great, I live in fear of ever letting him down, too.
And you know what gives me hope? When Joey was three, he broke things, yelled, refused naps, screamed and/or sang all night long, and did everything I asked him NOT to do. So while I go crazy with Noah, at least this time I have Joey to keep me sane.
"Don't worry, Mom. You're doing a great job. You're the best mom." And I like it best when he adds, "REALLY."
well, what did he do that made you laugh really hard??
ReplyDeleteHe was hiccuping at himself in the mirror and cringing. Over and over again.
ReplyDelete