“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.”Gilda Radner

Saturday, October 22, 2011


10 Reasons Why Joe is the World's Best Husband (WBH):

1) He's super good looking.  It makes it much harder to stay mad at him than it would if it he didn't have those twinkly, mischievous eyes.

2) He makes me laugh every day.  The best joke he ever told was, "Once, there was this doctor who worked reeeeeeeeeeally slowly.  Then one day, he lost all his patients."  It still makes me giggle.

3)  He has zero tolerance for stupidity.  Once, someone said "irregardless" in a sentence, and Joe froze.  Just stopped talking altogether.  The person waited patiently for him to respond, so Joe collected himself and said with embarrassing emphasis, "REGARDLESS, yes."  He's still not over this (which also makes me laugh every day).

4)  He is an excellent dancer.  He can dip AND flip partners of all shapes and sizes--and I've seen him do it.

5)  He is a wonderful father.  He comes up with ways of explaining things to children that seem simple and natural, yet I'd never be able to do it.  That's why I put him in charge of all the Penis Talk.  Plus, I don't have one, so.

6)  He loves spreadsheets.  I know you're thinking, "Seriously, that seems like it'd be pretty annoying."  Oh, it is!  But it means that he's really good at managing bills and money, and that I don't have to ever use math.  Ever.  So in high school, I was right.

7)  He always tells the truth.  And if he's not saying the bad thing because it would be too impolite, I can tell he's thinking it.  Like if someone says "irregardless," you can just watch his eyes.  They'll close for a fraction of a second too long, and then his nostrils flare because he's doing deep breathing to keep it all under control.  But usually, impolite or not, he just says it.

8)  He goes to Tim Hortons every morning to get me coffee.  I'm not kidding!

9)  He bought special wireless headphones that go to the TV so I can read at night while he watches annoying/noisy movies.

10)  He knows everything about me and loves me anyway.  Does it get any better than that?

I'm inspired to write this out for two reasons.  One is the obvious one, that Joe has been working out of town a lot lately, and it turns out, absence really does make the heart grow fonder.  I kind of already knew that, because he worked out of town a lot the entire summer we got married, and once when I went to visit him in Chicago I broke down sobbing in front of the cab driver who got really annoyed with me, handed me McDonald's napkins to wipe my nose, and told me to settle down because HIS wife lives in India and he only gets to see her every three months.  Even then I couldn't stop crying (I don't cry these days--usually I watch my favorite TV shows and go to bed early and luxuriate in all the extra space in the bed).

The second reason is because last night, I saw the movie "Hall Pass."  I don't recommend it at all if you think you're anything like me, because it's loaded with really graphic bathroom humor.  After the movie Joe asked excitedly, "What was your favorite part?" and I honestly didn't have one because, though it apparently makes me less fun than other people, I don't like bathroom humor very much.  I get it, it just doesn't make me laugh, and sometimes makes me cringe or gag.  But we watched it because Joe wanted to (and he ALWAYS watches the movies I want to see, even Jane Eyre and The Jane Austen Book Club), and I admit I did like the premise behind the story.  A couple has been married awhile, has small children, and have kind of stopped feeling the magic.  The wife decides to give her husband (Owen Wilson) a "hall pass," or a week off from being married.  He can do whatever he wants, pretend to be single, etc, for a whole week.

Of course the movie took all kinds of insane turns, but in the middle of it, Joe commented, "I'd really just want to hang out with my friends, play video games, and eat chicken wings.  Seriously, didn't those chicken wings looks amazing?"

Like I said, Joe is always honest, and I can tell when he's holding back.  And if you know him, you know he really meant what he said.  And I looked at him, and I loved him, and I said, "I really do have the best husband."

And I meant it (even though sometimes I want to light him on fire).

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