Texting My Child

Noah and I have recently discovered a common interest. We love searching unique houses on Zillow. I've recently had surgery and haven't been able to do much. When I found one particular house on the border of New York and New Jersey, I immediately texted it to Noah. This is the conversation that followed. It nicely demonstrates why he's an amazing human. You're welcome for the story, and for bringing Noah to the world.

Me:

I CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE THIS PLACE!!

Noah:

WOAH!

Me:

It has its OWN lighthouse!!

Noah:

It’s like a castle-mansion mix! And 

        also a pool and lighthouse? AWESOME!

Me:

It was built in 1910!

Noah:

SO OLD!

Me:

And there are like 5,000 staircases. 

I don’t even understand.

Noah:

ok. They don’t have 5000.

They have 4999

Me:

😂

Noah:

🙄 

Me:

Ok. Listen.

It has its OWN STATUE OF LIBERTY.

Get.

OUT.

Noah:

Wait. Where is it?

Me:

In the yard. Don’t be ridiculous.

There are also floor plans!

Noah:

No

The house

Where is the house?

Me:

Between NJ and NY

Noah:

K

Noted

I’ll remember these houses, so that one 

        day I can buy one

IT WILL BE AWESOME

Me:

Or build it.

Noah:

ooooooh

Interesting 

Me:

And I will live in a secret cave in a secret 

location on the property.

Even you won’t know where I am. 

I will be Super Creepy Mom.

Noah:

I can use ideas from previous houses 

        to make my own

Me:

Yes. But please have a castle. It’s what 

every mother wants for her child.

Noah:

😂

It’ll be castle-like

Maybe a tier or two...

Me:

You’ll have to have two or it will just look stupid.

Noah:

No. Not tiers... TOWERS

Me:

Honestly, Noah. You can’t run around 

one-towered and expect anyone to 

take you seriously.

Noah:

TWO TOWERS ON EACH SIDE

mhmm

And...

Me:

The Statue of Liberty, of course!

Noah:

Uhhh

Me:

Except it will have my face.

Noah:

Mom that’s too expensive 

Weirdo

Me:

Whatever. I’ll pay for that.

Noah:

Oh

Then yes

Me:

What am I saying? It would lead 

straight to my lair. Never mind.

Noah:

It’s not weird anymore

Because it’s yours

Me:

I have to admit, you’d look handsome 

on a Statue of Liberty.

Noah:

I’d have a goldendoodle statue

Me:

of liberty?

LOL

Can you just see Bizzy?

Noah:

That’s fifty feet tall

Me:

With a little crown and a torch?

And a book of course.

Noah:

Haha

Me:

He’d look so regal.

Noah:

I will definitely note all of that

Me:

Good call.

Noah:

But I’d need a glass elevator

Like Willy wonky

Me:

lol

Noah:

Haha

Me:

wonky

Noah:

Willy wonka 

Me:

Also, you should have an astronomy tower.

Noah:

Mhmm

Me:

That seems important.

Noah:

Yup

Me:

And GOATS!

Noah:

No

Horses

Me:

Forget it.

The whole thing is off.

Noah:

Those are majestic though 

Me:

It’s goats or nothing, man.

Noah:

Goats are all beheh, and horses 

        are like BOOM

Me:

We’ll have our own special hair-

dressers hired to style the goat beards.

Different colors, lots of braids.

Noah:

NO 

Me:

And beads.

Noah:

NO

Me:

Over here (she said in a British accent, 

which we’ll need) we have Tippy, our oldest goat. 

You’ll see his beaded green beard.

Noah:

OK

I want Tippy

Me:

We can have contests with the goats.

OMG

Noah:

And one named Copernicus 

Me:

Goats against PIGS!

Noah:

Yes

Yes yes

Me:

Copernicus is so a pig’s name.

Co-pig-a-cus

Noah:

What?

No

Me:

Did you say it out loud? It’s perfect.

Noah:

Pig-puns are overrated 

Me:

It’s…NOT a pun.

It’s just good sense.

Noah:

No

The pig will be named Waddles, and that 

        is final

Me:

There’s more than one pig.

Noah:

No

Just one pig

Me:

You can’t name them all Waddles, or you’re racist.

That’s just mean.

Noah:

And two goats

Me:

But…how will the contests work?

Noah:

One goat is Tippy, and the other is Copernicus.

They all race each other

Me:

What color is the beard of Copernicus?

(and btw, Waddles will defy all odds and 

be an undefeated winner)

Noah:

He only has a red mustache, and yes, 

         Waddles will win, because we will give 

         him a jetpack 

This is the future we’re talking about.

Me:

Noah, that sounds made up.

Noah:

Nope

Me:

Try and be realistic.

Noah:

We’d obviously teach him

Me:

Fine, but not before we all learn 

Pig Latin together.

Noah:

Aren’t we doing that this summer

??

??

????

Me:

I don’t want to start before Waddles is BORN!

That’s not fair.

Noah:

Umm

😐 

Fine

😐 

Me:

Good talk, man. I think we have a solid plan here.

Noah:

Mhmm

More info in your next spy message

THIS MESSAGE WILL NOW SELF-DESTRUCT